1. HELP TO PREPARE/ EXPLAIN IN ADVANCE 🗣️
Tell what will happens, where are you taking a child. Tell child what will happens before the activities, how long everything will last, what a child will be doing (only speak facts), what will be the environment - help him to prepare.
Discuss what will happen afterwards, how you will prepare to go home, what will happen when you leave, you can even mention in details where you will go/drive, what you will see, you can draw the whole plan, this can help the child to focus and relax, because this information provides clarity.
2. SLOW DOWN.🦥
Change activities, change place when you don't have skills, when you live in the present and it's hard for you
predict what will happen next can be very difficult.
So we, parents have to slow down. And slow down even more than we are thinking.
Be with the children in their activities, tell them what is going on, feel, actively listen by simply being in the present,
without rush and rushing and only after establishing a connection move on other step.
❤️Warn/ inform that it is almost time to go home + why it is important for you to be on time at home (naming the need).
❤️Give choices of what to do one last time. Example: “Do you want to play with sand or go to swing?”
If the child still doesn’t want to go:
Instead of:
“How many times do you have to repeat??
Let's go, I said! If you don't go now, I'm going alone!”
3. HELP THE CHILD:🤝🙋♀️
And say : “You really enjoyed staying here, so many activities! You don't even want to go out (sympathy). Now it's time for us to go, do you want to walk or you want to go by jumping towards the car? (boundary maintenance + emotional acceptance).
To draw boundary to leave an activity/ someones house/ birthday party CAN HELP OTHERS:
INSTEAD OF:
“-That's it, the birthday is over, it's time to go. Let's go get dressed. Come!!We won't go again if you do that! Come I said”.
If the activity location closes, the birthday party organizers or employees can calmly inform your child about this directly.
Same can do your relatives and friends. If it was friends house they can name their needs to clean the house, to prepare for tomorrow and that they feeling tired and it’s time for all guests to leave ( this is about drawing personal boundaries).
4. ACCEPT CHILD’S EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS 🤗
Always empathise with the child's feelings/thoughts. Because when a child (person) experiencing strong emotions, he can’t "connect" to his logical brain area and small children by their natural development are not capable to stop misbehaving.
WHEN EMOTIONS ARE OVERTAKING NO NEED EXPLANATIONS LIKE:
- “Yes, I know, but we have to go, we can't stay that long, your brother/ dad is waiting at home...”
RESPOND:
“It was so much fun that you didn't want to leave. There is still so much you want to do! I saw that you really had a lot of fun.
Just name what you saw. And no need somehow to please, cheer up the child.
Allow him/ her to feel.
And even if the child starts shouting :
"I HATE YOU, I DON’T LOVE YOU, YOU ALWAYS RUIN ALL THE FUN!!!"
CHOOSE TO SEE WHAT IS BEHIND CHILD’S WORDS:
-“You are really upset. You are angry that we left earlier than you wanted and the feeling that sometimes you have no choice is very unpleasant”.
Usually what parents saying is not helping at all and sounding as a threat:
"-Well, you know, young man, I tried so hard to make sure you had a good time, and you did! Okay, you'll sit at home all week, I'll see how you like it.”
LET YOUR CHILD GROW UP KNOWING THAT. 👦🧒👧👶❤️💕
Nothing, no matter what he did or said, will separate him from you. That he/ she grows with true security and unconditional belonging to family.
MAKE A CHILD TO FEEL IT NOW AND HE/ SHE WON’T NEED IT
THE WHOLE LIFE TO SEARCH
SECURITY, BELONGING AND SELF-WORTH IN OTHERS.❤️