Salam Alaikum sisters, hope you all are feeling well. 🌸
ABOUT CHILDREN FIGHTS
Have you been in situations where your child hits someone else or someone hits your child? Probably more than once and you could feel how strong your emotions and beliefs were activated in you. Usually we automatically dividing children he/ she is good and he/ she is bad, rejecting, shaming, blaming, making child apologise, and maybe threatening, using punishments, moralising, “giving lessons”or even hitting the child that he " needs to feel how unpleasant it is for the other".
This message is a reminder of children's development, their brain development and their potential.
Children do not act angry. They don't manipulate. They are not bad.
❗️They communicate their NEEDS and showing feelings to the best of their ability with the skills and capabilities they have. ❗️
The problem is that we adults are not helping kids to regulate- integrate emotions or preventing from physical abusive contact.
Children naturally are more in physical contact than adults: they sharing, hugging, pushing, touching each other each day in their own way…One min. they friends, another enemies. It’s normal and natural. (Bullying it’s not normal).
Remember, if adults explaining to kids that no physical contact with each other, they should explain what is allowed and where is that thin line to stop.
I’m explaining very simply: when the fun stops- stop! How to understand that other child/ adult doesn’t want to play?
If another person says words “stop” or “I don’t like it. “ If another person shows angry, upset face. If another person push you away, scream and shout at you. You should stop.
❤️Teach your children to draw boundaries for themselves and others. Each person is unique and each having different feelings. No one likes to be pushed with anger or kicked and punched.
❤️And even when it seems child understood it, next time he might hit, kick others again. Just because children not having impulse control and don’t know what to do when strong emotions ( example angriness) coming, it doesn’t mean they are bad.
Remember❗️ Children learning and copying us and other adults. And they can regulate themselves and go through emotions only with our help and calmness.
It’s our responsibility to stop children fights by being in present with them. The most important is to react calm. And listen to both sides. Because both children need help to stop. They both don’t need punishments, they both need you or other adult support 🛑
Develop children's skills through teachings and your example not through punishments and rewards. 🌸