As I mentioned before, I’ve been gathering your privately send questions. …

We for You | Daily Reflection | *by Maryam* ❤️

Salam Alaikum dear Brothers and Sisters, I hope you all are feeling well today.

Warm welcome new members who recently joined.

As I mentioned before, I’ve been gathering your privately send questions. Today’s question is not more important than the others, but it has come up so often and it connects to yesterday’s topic about righteousness, that I decided to combine them and answer them together.

Many people ask: How do I choose the right spouse? How we can test a person before marriage? And what to do if I chose wrong already?

Allah tells us in the Qur’an, in Surah An-Nur (24:26):
“Impure women are for impure men, and impure men are for impure women. Good women are for good men, and good men are for good women.”

This verse was revealed when false accusations were made against Aisha (ra) and Prophet Muhammad pbuh. It came to defend honour and purity.
It was not given as a harsh formula to judge people, but as a principle: purity aligns with purity, and corruption aligns with corruption.

What does this mean for us?

It means *marriage is not just about finding the right person. It is about becoming the right person.*❗️

We are usually drawn to what reflects our inner state. If we value deen, modesty, sincerity, responsibility, and growth, we will naturally look for those qualities. But if we ignore our own spiritual and emotional work, we may choose based on attraction, pressure, loneliness, or temporary feelings.

Spouses may be written by Allah SWT, but who we become it’s our responsibility.

*We are mirrors of one another*🪞Marriage will expose our character, our wounds, our ego, our patience, and our emotional maturity.

Islam does not expect blind marriage. It encourages clarity, consultation (shura), istikhara, and wise investigation. You are allowed and responsible to seek understanding before committing.
You cannot “test” someone with games or manipulation. But you can observe with sincerity. Look at how they treat their parents, how they speak about others, know how they handle anger and stress, whether they keep their promises, and whether their actions match their words.
This is Islamic guidance - the Prophet pbuh emphasised deen and character. And it is psychologically sound -consistency, emotional regulation, and integrity are foundations of a healthy marriage.
At the same time, examine yourself. Do I live the qualities I am asking for? Am I emotionally mature, honest, and responsible?

Choosing wisely begins with clear values, sincere observation, and self-accountability.
Overall marriage is not only about evaluating the other person. It is about preparing yourself. Very often we want a patient spouse while we are impatient, emotional stability while we are reactive, loyalty while we are inconsistent.

And remember: people change whether they are ready or not. Growth is constant.
Sometimes couples grow together, sometimes in opposite directions. The person you marry today will not be exactly the same in five or ten years, and neither will you. The real question is not only, “Is this the right spouse?” or What to do if I chose wrong already? but “Are we both willing to grow, communicate honestly, seek help when needed, and stay committed to improvement?”

If there is respect, emotional safety, shared values, and willingness to work through challenges, many difficulties can become a path to maturity and closeness to Allah SWT .

So before asking Allah SWT for a righteous spouse, ask Him to make you righteous.
Before asking for emotional stability, work on your own stability. Before asking for loyalty and mercy, embody loyalty and mercy within yourself first.

Does this mean every good man will marry a good woman or vice versa? This is where many people misunderstand.
It is not an absolute universal law that:
    •    Every righteous man automatically marries a righteous woman.
    •    Every sinful person automatically marries a sinful person.
Because in reality we are having many Islamic examples:
    •    Nuh had a disbelieving wife.
    •    Lut had a disbelieving wife.
    •   Asiya bint Muzahim was righteous but married to Pharaoh.

So clearly, it is not a mechanical marriage formula.

So this verse is not a guarantee of outcome. It is a reminder of alignment, responsibility, and inner work.

In the end, a successful marriage is not two perfect people.
It is two imperfect believers choosing each other.
Both choosing growth, responsibility, mercy.
Choosing Allah SWT every single day.

The rest of your questions, inshaAllah, I will answer gradually in the coming messages.

Wishing everyone peace and wisdom.