Salam Alaikum sisters 🌸 Summer is coming to an end and most parents and children are starting to prepare for September.
How does that make you feel?
How did you feel at school as a child and what kind of support would you really like from your parents and teachers?
I still have nightmares about maths and exams 😭 And I’m not missing my school days at all. This shows how much stress the school system imprinted on my subconscious what manifests through dreams as nightmares even now. 😫
Today about SCHOOL AND LEARNING.
All children want to learn and explore. This is very natural and normal from the moment they are born.
And the fact that the child doesn’t want to learn and doesn’t want to go to school is not his/ her fault.
Most of the children will say they don’t want to go to school, they don’t want to learn. But if you’ll ask, what they like about the school, all kids will say playing time with friends.
The traditional school system is: boredom, stagnation of the body, control, instructions, demands, trying to squeeze everyone into the same square...💢Ignoring human individuality and learning needs and natural development. Competition, punishments and praises - control of behavior, lack of communication, stress, homework load (which is not only useless, but also harmful)….
The traditional school system is not designed for the curious, growing, unique individual.
It is designed to create a workforce (working people). People who can work hard without paying attention to their feelings and needs.
If there are problems at school, parents usually start fighting with their children, shaming and scolding, and demanding instead of solving problems together with the child and seeing their behaviour with the child at home.
Control. Control. Control. Demands. Demands. Demands.
Developmental (and human in general) incompatible requirements from everyone.
So if your children are not doing well at school (or maybe someone is doing exceptionally well), help them without control - without punishments and praises. Show that it says nothing about them + that YOU KNOW their value. And they CAN achieve everything in life.
Children need parents support and connection. They need to release all emotions from school in the safest environment- at home. It’s their need, not want. Someone said something, didn’t share, didn’t play, excluded from friends, bullied, teacher said something, something didn’t happen, didn’t succeed…. Small things for us adults, but for the kids it’s a huge stressful situations. Obviously teachers are not capable to see everything and observe each child individually or listen to their thoughts and help them to feel emotions. Children need to cope and deal with it alone with skills they are having to cope.
And if you seeing your children misbehaving, not listening, crying, becoming angry or even violent or opposite very silent, looking drained and pushing you away after school, know that they are full of emotions what accumulated during the day. They need your support. And it can be your silence, it can be your hug, sniak and water, or just your presence in the other room.
Feel and see your child and allow the child to feel. That moment children don’t need your questions, your angriness, shoutings and punishments.
Name what you see: “ I can see you upset about something? Do you want to talk about it? No? Ok, I’ll be in the kitchen, I’m near by if you just want to talk. I’m ready to listen.” Just give water after some time. It can be a words supporting teenagers.
Smaller kids might cry and have tantrums, allow to feel, they can regulate their emotions with your calmness. Again name what you see, help them to recognise emotions and feel. “You looking very tired. I’m here with you”. And hug if child allows. ( Teach them about emotions and feelings, and how to feel and deal in advance. They don’t need teachings or morals that moment).
Parents usually asking questions and “playing” guessing game ( I wasn’t exception). But children don’t need your diggings. They will talk, but later… and later you can ask too.
How to maintain contact with a child, create strong relationship, really help him both with studies and with friends, so that the child can and WANTS to share his life with you, we will talk more in classes.
- [ ] P.S. Btw after schools most of kids are extremely hungry. So when you picking from school offer juice or healthy sniak ( example sweet fruits). Kids brains needs a lot of glucose to function and levels of glucose dropping quick, especially if they skipped meal or didn’t eat enough, had PE day, sports activities or exam. The brain needs blood glucose to function. Fluctuating blood-sugar levels often cause fluctuating mood, and this can manifest low moods or temper tantrums (and everything in between). Another common symptom of low blood sugar is food cravings. So if your child asking or buying sweets, cakes or ice creams after school it’s understandable. Notice yourself if you delayed your meal, eyes automatically searching for something sweet and tasty and hands always will pick sugary foods.
WISHING EVERYONE NICE AND PEACEFUL HOLIDAYS. Enjoy SUN ☀️