We for You | Daily Reflection | *by Maryam* ❤️
Assalamu Alaikum dear Sisters, 🌸 I hope you are all feeling well, InshaAllah.
I recently had a discussion with one sister who kindly allowed me to share her question with the group:
“How can I increase my emotional intelligence?”
A very good question. Thank you🌸
Rather than giving a long explanation, I’d like to give you all a challenge today. Those who genuinely try it will likely increase their emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
*For the next 7 days, pay attention to every moment that triggers a strong emotional reaction*-anger, frustration, jealousy, anxiety, defensiveness, hurt, sadness, disappointment, or even excitement.
Whenever it happens, don’t ask:
❌ “Why did they do that to me?”
Instead ask:
✅ “Why did that affect me so much?”
That one question can teach you more about yourself than hours of reading books or scrolling social media. 📚
If you notice a trigger, don’t judge yourself and don’t try to suppress the emotion. Simply get curious.
Pause and ask yourself:
🔹 What exactly am I feeling right now?
🔹 What thought is creating this feeling?
🔹 What story am I telling myself about this situation?
🔹 Have I felt this way before?
🔹 Is this touching an insecurity, fear, expectation, value, or past experience?
🔹 Am I reacting to what actually happened, or to my interpretation of what happened?
If possible, write your answers down. You may start noticing patterns.
For example:
Fact: Someone didn’t reply to your message.
Story/thought: “They don’t care about me.”
Fact: Someone corrected you.
Story/thought: “They think I’m not smart.”
Fact: A colleague got promoted.
Story/thought: “I’m falling behind.”
Many times, our emotional distress comes not only from the event itself, but from the meaning we attach to it.
The people who upset us can sometimes reveal our insecurities, expectations, or values.
The situations that frustrate us can sometimes expose our expectations.
The things we envy can sometimes point to what we secretly desire.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t just study other people’s behaviour -they study their own.
And would like to remind you a few habits that make a huge difference:
✨ Pause before responding when emotional.
✨ Listen to understand, not to argue.
✨ Be curious instead of defensive.
✨ Accept feedback without immediately explaining yourself.
✨ Learn to recognise the difference between a fact and the story you’re telling yourself.
The goal is not to stop having emotions or to become calm all the time.*The goal is to understand your emotions so they stop controlling your reactions.*
The most self-aware people aren’t those who never get emotional. They’re the ones who can pause, have curiosity and say:
*“Interesting… why did that trigger me?”*🤔
That level of self-awareness is where real growth begins. 🌱
💡 Sometimes people listen to or read advice like this and say:
“That sounds nice, but how do I actually do it?”
My answer is simple:
By doing/ practising it. 😊
Just do it!
There is no secret technique that creates self-awareness overnight. The skill develops through practice, just as strength develops through exercise.
And you don’t become emotionally intelligent by reading about it.
You become emotionally intelligent by noticing your emotions, reflecting on them, and learning from them one moment at a time.
And here’s why it matters:
Research suggests that emotional intelligence plays an important role in healthy relationships, leadership, resilience under stress, and overall life satisfaction-areas that IQ alone cannot fully explain.
May Allah SWT increase us all in self-awareness, wisdom, patience, and beautiful character. Ameen. 🤲🏻
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