Salam Alaikum sisters, how are you feeling today?🌸

I would like to share a question from one of the sisters, who agreed that I share it with all of you. I’ve shortened it, and I believe it will be beneficial reminder for us all.

What to do? How not to shout?
I’m alone, raising three kids: a 6-year-old with neurodiversity (ND) and 3-year-old twins. I divorced and their father rarely helps with them. The kids are constantly fighting, and I feel overwhelmed. What can I do to avoid shouting? How do I manage this?
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It’s tough for you, especially without the father around to help manage the fights.

First ask: Why do I feel the urge to shout?
Understanding the triggers can help you to find better ways to manage those feelings. Often, it can be the frustration of managing constant fighting among the kids. But, it’s good to dig deeper into what might be behind that frustration. It can be feeling overwhelmed, lack of support, desire for peace, body needs, fatigue ect.
It’s very important to set realistic expectations that conflicts are part of childhood and because of that you are not bad parent.

If you can maintain a good mood and self-control, which isn’t always easy, you can bring some order.
In such situations you can say, "Let’s play a game called Pillow Boxing." Give each child a pillow and let them playfully box for 3 minutes with soft hits—no hitting faces or being rough. Bang a spoon on a cup to signal when to stop, and after the round, allow a few minutes to calm down.
BOYS NEED TO BUILD STRENGTH, and it's crucial for them to be active. By the way, boys who start attending boxing statistically fight less.

Kids often fight for attention, so schedule focused playtime with each child to make them feel valued. Establish a routine and set clear boundaries for acceptable behaviour. Children thrive on routine, which will make it easier for you to manage everything.
When everyone is calm, practice role-playing. Guide them on using words or asking for help instead of hitting. It’s also very helpful to turn conflicts into teamwork by encouraging them to solve problems together, like building a tower from LEGO or tidying up. Before doing that, listen to all the children’s complaints if they have any, and don’t rush to solve their problems. A "carpet of peace”, as I mentioned in previous messages, can also be beneficial for them to find a solutions.

And most importantly, don’t forget about yourself. Your needs are important. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from grandparents, friends, neighbours, or relatives; as a mother, you are a human being too.