Salam Alaikum sisters. Hope you are doing well.🌸
I would like to write you a R.E.M.I.N.D.E.R about teenagers. And children tantrums.
Yesterday my daughter, who is teenager, was very rude with me in the morning. Her words touched me, and I just closed her bedroom doors without saying anything, needed to feel my emotions.
Self analysis, breathing techniques and allowing myself to feel helped me come back to my normal state. I understood why her words touched me. These words I heard in my childhood and it weren’t my parents words, it were my relatives words with whom I lived couple years in my early childhood. Memory deleted events, but feelings stuck in the body. And yes, it’s kind of a childhood wound what still remains inside. So it’s my responsibility to deal with it now, as they are my feelings.
Even if it’s not related directly with my daughter, I told her in the evening that I don’t like rudeness. I didn’t point at her, not blamed her but we talked about it a lot. She apologised later when she wanted. But I gave her space to rethink situation.
Imagine scenario if I would react from my emotions that morning. It wouldn’t help us both. Her day at school would be spoiled and my emotions would remain.
Now I know what is my wound and where I need to pay attention and heal.
Remember, children can regulate emotions only with your help. Teenagers need more space to do that but they want to know that you are near by and no matter what they won’t be rejected.
Usually mothers falling to victim’s position and starting to blame and shout, pinch with words and make child feel worser.
Remember, when children having tantrums or teenagers being rude their message is:
- IT'S HARD FOR ME EVERYTHING
- IS TOO MUCH FOR ME
- I'M TRYING SO HARD TO SHOW YOU WHAT I NEED
- YOU ARE MY SAFETY
- I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP MYSELF WHEN I'M OVERWHELMED, HUNGRY, DISAPPOINTED…
- I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY BODY AND I DON'T LIKE TO BEHAVE THIS WAY
- I NEED YOUR HELP
- I NEED YOU
Wishing everyone peace ❤️
Have a nice day☀️