This year, I focus more on self-care.

We for You | Daily Reflection | *by Maryam* ❤️

Salam Alaikum, dear sisters. I hope you are all doing well. 🌸

This year, I focus more on self-care.
And I see that many women need to begin building this choice too -gently, consciously, and without guilt.
Guilt is often one of the “good girl” features.
But it does not make you strong.
It is one of the lowest emotional states, and it keeps women disconnected from themselves.

Self-care means centering yourself and no longer carrying what is not yours.

Guilt is a frighteningly effective manipulative tool, used casually left and right.
Sometimes others place it on us.
Sometimes we place it on ourselves.

“You’re guilty because you didn’t call, didn’t write, didn’t congratulate…”
Even when the connection or the feeling has long been gone. Even when there was no strength, no capacity, no inner space.
But that rarely matters to the one accusing, what matters is to place guilt and hold it over you.

Give you one easy tip how to seperate what is not yours and not feel guilty.

The grounding word is “And?”
Let those who placing guilt in you to carry it and explain it themselves. You don’t have to justify yourself.

“And?” is not something you have to say out loud. It is an inner pause - a moment to check whether this guilt truly belongs to you.

“You’re guilty because you look the way you look,” because someone doesn’t like it, even though it is none of their business. Maybe today this is all you can allow yourself. Maybe you don’t want to allow more. Maybe this is your taste, your sense of beauty, your circumstances, or simply your choice -without the obligation to explain yourself.
“And?”

*“You’re guilty for not protecting your child from every illness, every bump, every emotional wave, you’re bad mom, bad parent…”*- as if that were even possible. You are responsible for effort, not outcomes.
“And?”

“You’re guilty because you think, speak, and act in ways that feel right to you, not to the environment,” even though that same environment lives according to its own desires. Your wants don’t always have to match.
“And?”

“You’re guilty because life seems to work out better for you than for someone else,” forgetting that no one really sees the work, the discipline, the patience, the unseen struggle behind it.
“And?”

“You’re guilty because you choose to celebrate life instead of being its bitter observer,” simply because you’re tired of surviving and want to live.
“And?”

“You’re guilty because you didn’t meet the expectations of parents, spouse, children, colleagues, friends…” as if they themselves have met every expectation placed on them.
“And?”

And this is the essence to keep returning to: a large part of the guilt you carry is not guilt at all.

It is a learned program - social, familial, cultural. Guilt becomes a convenient lever to control, silence, and force adaptation. It often has nothing to do with real responsibility and everything to do with carrying other people’s expectations as your own.

Healthy guilt exists only when a person consciously causes harm and has the ability to repair it. Everything else is emotional pressure. And the more empathetic, responsible, and sensitive you are, the easier it is to place that pressure on you.

If harm was caused unconsciously, responsibility begins with awareness and correction - not with self-condemnation.

From an Islamic perspective, when real harm is done, the path is clear: awareness, tawbah, and istighfar. Not endless self-punishment. Not lifelong shame. Tawbah is meant to cleanse the heart, not crush it. If guilt does not lead you back to Allah SWT with clarity and calm, it is not a burden you are meant to carry.

So for self-care, for centering yourself, return to this:

❤️Separate guilt from responsibility.
❤️Return responsibility to where it belongs.
❤️Allow yourself to be inconvenient.
❤️Question the inner voice that shames.
❤️Replace guilt with self-worth, not defense.

And it always begins with a single decision:
to stop blaming yourself for being alive, for being different, for feeling deeply, and for choosing consciously.

This is not a fast process, especially if guilt has been a lifelong companion. But it is a grounding one. A centering one. A self-care one. And more about it we will be talking in classes this year. We practically will be practicing to return to who we truly are, InshAllah.

Wishing everyone peace, softness, and strength. 🤲🏻❤️