Salam Alaikum, sisters.🌸 I hope you’re all feeling well today.
TODAY ABOUT:
“My child not following what I say, or my child lacks their own opinion and focuses on pleasing others. What should I do?”
Children’s disobedience is the strongest theme in parenting.
Disobedience in children can be challenging for us as parents.
Often, we want our children to follow our orders because we believe it’s important. But, it’s important to understand that a healthy individual will naturally resist control. When we push hard, the child push it back. This RESISTANCE , though difficult to manage, IS be A GOOD SIGN of a developing personality and independence.
Why is it good for a child to resist?
When a child cannot say no, this can lead to even deeper issues. Children who are afraid to voice their disagreement or opinions feel trapped. In extreme cases, this can even lead to thoughts of running away or other drastic measures, feeling they must always obey because of fear of consequences.
Two important questions for us as parents:
1. Why is it important for you that the child does what you ask?
For example, if you ask them to clean their room, think about the why behind it. Is it to develop their independence? To teach them responsibility? Remember that even if they want same, they might lack the skills. And here you should remember natural children development.
2. Is it a REQUEST or a DEMAND?
When you express a need, consider your tone and approach. Is it a request for cooperation or a strict demand? Think about the energy you bring to the interaction and the consequences you imply. Are you seeking cooperation and family unity, or are you aiming for obedience no matter what?
If children learn to please others just to avoid conflict and punishments they will lose touch with their true selves. They will grow up focusing on meeting others’ needs, feeling afraid to say no, and constantly adjusting to fit what others want.
Some of us might even feel this now, as adults, realising we’ve been shaped to please others and maintain connections at the expense of our own authenticity.
All these behaviors start in childhood.
How we handle our children’s resistance, support their autonomy, and respond to their needs forms a foundation for how they’ll interact in future relations. If we dominate them, they might carry that pattern into adulthood, but if we guide them with respect, they can learn healthy boundaries and authenticity.
So, I encourage you to rethink…
Is the action or task more important than your both relation?
What methods you are using, and are they ones you would want your children to carry into their own lives?
What skills you want to teach and pass to your children?
Wishing everyone wisdom and sabr. And if you don’t know what to do in a situation, no matter what, choose connection and relation. ❤️