Salam Alaikum sisters.🌸 Hope you are doing well today.
Today about COMMUNICATION WITH A CHILD and Wishes.
Son: I want an XBOX
Mom: Why?
Son: I want to play.
Mom: Why don't we still have an XBOX?
Son: Because you don't buy it!
Mom: And why don't I buy it?
Son: Because you have no money.
Mom: I don't have any at all?
Son : Yes, but for XBOX doesn't enough.
Mom: Why?
Son: Because you spend them on other things.
Mom: For what?
Son: I think for more necessary things.
Mother: How can the situation be changed?
Son: If you spend less of them?
Mom: What are you willing to give up for XBOX?
Son: Movies and sweets.
Mom: Can you calculate how much you can save per month this way?
Son: 30.
Mom: How many months will you need to save for the XBOX then?
Son: One and a half year.
Mom: Can you wait a year and a half? Live a year and a half without movies and sweets?
Son: I can't…
Mom: Do you have more ideas?
Son: Maybe I should start working?
Mother: And who will hire you, an 11-year-old boy?
Son: I don't know.
Mom: Until you know that, until you figure out how to make money, what else can you offer to achieve your dream?
Son: Maybe you should earn more?
Mom: Okay. Can you suggest how I should do this?
Son: More work?
Mom: Where can I get time for that?
Son: Don't do something?
Mom: For example? I can't sleep, eat, rest less. Where else am I using my time?
Son: You still go to the store, cook, wash the dishes.
Mom: What else?
Son: Vacuuming.
Mother: Then what should I not do?
Who will do it for me?
Son: I can vacuum, wash the dishes.
Mom: Wonderful! I was just thinking about buying a dishwasher. And it costs similar to XBOX. But if you agree to wash the dishes, then I don't need a dishwasher anymore. And are you ready to do dishes every day if I buy an XBOX?
Son: Of course!
Mom: Are you ready to wash the dishes for a year and a half before we save for the dishwasher again?
Son: I'm ready.
Mom: What if you break an agreement ?
If I buy an XBOX and you refuse to do dishes? What should I do then?
Son : Well, it will be fair to take my XBOX away.
Mom: And if you play with it enough and in two weeks you’ll say I don’t want XBOX anymore and you'll stop wash the dishes? I will then have no money for the dishwasher, and the dishes will remain dirty. How will I feel then? How would you feel in my place?
Son: Cheated.
Mom: And would you later trust such a person who cheated on you?
Son: Not really.
Mother: Would you negotiate with such a person again, would you like to do another agreement with him?
Son: No.
Mom: After you get the XBOX, will you still have any wishes?
Son: Of course.
Mom: So, you understand that if you get the XBOX and break our agreement, I won't try to fulfill your other wishes later? Do you understand that it is in your best interest to follow our agreement?
Son: Of course.
Mother: And who can influence you, force you to violate these conditions?
Son: I can be tired, for example..
Mother: How would you suggest to solve this problem?
Son : Give me days off on Sundays? Mother: OK. Did we agree?
Son: We agreed.
Compare with another dialog:
Son: I want an XBOX.
Mom: Okay, I'll buy it for you, but you'll have to wash dishes all year round, except on Sunday’s. And if not, then I will never buy you anything.
The agreement is same, but the result is completely different.
Talk and discuss with your child. Know his/ her perspective/understanding/ needs and wishes. To have a desire or wish is nothing wrong. Accept children’s feelings and emotions. Remember: you are a parent - teacher and guider, not other way round. So first think what skills would you like to teach your child, what are your perspective/ understanding/ needs and wishes.
Wishing everyone to be confident and conscious parent each day❤️