Salam Alaikum sisters. Hope you all doing well. Welcome new moms who joined recently 🌸
Today about EMOTIONAL pain and feeling low.
I believe everyone experienced that and saw in your children.
THE CHILD SHOUTS- GIVE ME SPOON!!! DRESS ME UP!!! PICK ME UP!!! WATER!!! YOU PUT MY SHOES!!!
Seems they could ask without demanding and could do by themselves but…
What are your emotions and reactions when your child demands something from you?
For parents, this usually causes strong irritation, anger or fear that they will raise rude and spoiled children. But sometimes the same parents react calmly and compassionately. When?
When a child is in PHYSICAL PAIN.
When a child is in physical pain, we understand that it is difficult for him/ her, that he/she is crying out of pain, stress, dysregulation and that he/she needs help and we do not hesitate to help then. We do not require anything then.
And we are not coming and saying: "Next time when something heavy falls on your leg, let's think about how you could tell me this in more politely way?" or "I will not tolerate such tone and disrespect."
We see and accept that a person speaks truth and behaves in the same way as a person who is under stress, pain and dysregulation . And we know when needs are met, he/she will relax, calm down and return to his/ her normal state.
🤔 Why is physical pain more important than EMOTIONAL pain and feeling low? Why do we respond significantly more to physical difficulties, stress, and pain than to emotional difficulties, stress, and pain?
Even as adults, we sometimes force ourselves to get sick because it's the only way to prioritize ourselves and rest. Emotional difficulties are ignored by spouses, parents, relatives, friends and colleagues. And usually causing irritation, anger, conflicts and rejection in other people.
We decided that one pain, confusion, cry for help is real and important and justified, that the other is not. Physical pain that we can see and understand is important and valid. Emotional pain and dysregulation in our eyes requires teachings and correction. We not taking it seriously.
Even for children who according to their natural development experience more emotional difficulty and dysregulation.
When it's hard for you emotionally, when everything is too much (even in you're inside), when you're out of order... You don't need to be taught how to speak politely. You need help to meet your needs and regulate your emotions.
The child needs it too. Children feeling emotional pain, they are unable to regulate and control own emotions, and always behave in the best way they can.
They would behave better and stop demanding or crying if they could do that. But according to natural development they just can’t. It’s too high expectation that child who is in emotional pain and distress will regulate himself/ herself and manage everything.
Physical and emotional pain needs same attention and empathy.
Don't be afraid to love your children.
They won't learn to use or manipulate you because of it. They will learn from the relation with you what it means to love, to see another , to understand and respond to others with empathy (and to themselves).
All people speak words with tone and shout or demand when they feel stressed, pain, experiencing emotional dysregulation and are tensed.
And all people behave well when they can. And the children are like us, doing their best they can. ALWAYS.❤️