Salam Alaikum sisters🌸 How are you?
Today about parents controlling and manipulating behaviour.
🔴If a child not picking up toys after you asked you are saying: “If you won’t pick up your toys now, I’ll throw them up to the rubbish bin.”
🔴If a child saying something negative towards you, or speaking rude and not appropriate you are sending him to “rethink” his words to his room and shouting: “You’ll stay in your room until you behave!” Or “ You won’t get food, until you won’t understand how to respect parents”.
🔴Child saying he doesn’t like food you cook and he/she won’t eat it. “ What a disrespect! If you won’t eat you won’t get a desert/ no more phone or ipad !”
🔴If a child not sitting, moving while eating, you catching his hand and dragging to his room, closing the doors and saying: “ Now you’ll know how to behave in a family!”
🔴If a child playing at the playground and even 100 times you said lets go home, he/she is not listening, you are saying: “Fine, stay here, I’m leaving you bye bye + will come police/monster/ zombie and will eat you! Because they are coming to catch bad kids like you! ”
🔴If the child not listening, he/ she should “know who is ruling and get the lesson”. You switching off computer, not giving him/her something or threatening him/ her with more severe punishments.
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❓Have you experienced any of these "rules" yourself in your childhood ? Do you remember how you felt at that time? Or maybe even you see how it has affected your present?
I saw that even those parents who trying to raise children in more respectful way receive and use advice to throw away/ hide children's toys, to put forcefully on the chair, to leave the park leaving the child alone, to threaten and many other painful experiences that child will learn as a lesson 🤦🏼♀️😢🙁
My most important reminder is that parenting is not about control and manipulation. This is primarily a relationship with a growing person. 💗 And this requires an understanding of development, slowing down, seeing the real situation, respect, maintaining boundaries, understanding, seeing and hearing the other person.
Children are same humans and that we are adults it doesn’t give us rights to pull, drag, threaten, manipulate.
How to raise children without manipulations and without controlling their behaviour we will be talking in February InshaAllah ❤️