Salam Alaikum sisters🌸 How are you feeling today?
Today about siblings fights, and “CARPET OF PEACE”.
Could you please share on the group what methods you are using to help your kids not to fight.
I’ll text you about it more, just wanted yo say that not each time you need to interfere in kids fights. But you MUST interfere when:
* there is a risk to the child's health and life;
* when another demonstrates power- “I won't be friend, I won't give”;
* when the other constantly lowers himself that brother/ sister won’t cry and parents don't get angry and always pleases and sacrifices for another.
“ Carpet of Peace” is a method to help kids to sit and find a conflicts solution suitable for both sides.
You can find similar names like “Peace table”, “Peace circle” ect. I would say it has similarities, but today I’ll explain about “Carpet of Peace”.
So, first what you need to do is to find a mat. Simply you can use any prayer mat as a “Carpet of Peace”.
Carpet should be introduced as a rule to solve the problems, IT’S NOT A PUNISHMENT. And clearly explained all steps how it will be used ect. It should be done in advance, any day, when everyone is in good mood.
So when you seeing your children strongly arguing, calling names and going to physical fights ask them to take “Carpet of Peace”.
Kids can sit around it or on it. You and husband and other siblings can join beside.
“Carpet of Peace “ method directly won’t suit till 4- 5 years old as kids won’t be able to talk about feelings, summarise and sit longer in one place. So in general it’s suits from 5-6-7 years old when logical thinking appearing. It depends on the child obviously but you can’t demand and use it for little children. But little ones can sit with older conflicting siblings they as well will observe and learn together.
So Step NO. 1:
* Each conflicting child expresses complaints clearly. "I don’t like…”, “I am feeling angry, upset ect …”Again ask them to start from “I”, and at this step let them talk only about himself/ herself.
Step NO. 2:
* While one speaks, the other child is silent and listens. AND EVERYONE AROUND SHOULD LISTEN. It’s a rule!
Step NO. 3:
* Then, each summarises what he/ she heard from each other. It’s important to do so - this way they will find out whether each other understood correctly. And here you as an adult should ask both kids what they understood from each other. They might say : “ She said that she is feeling angry and doesn’t like… “
Step NO. 4:
* Both kids one by one says what kind of behavior they would like to receive. So one of the adult, can ask this question.
Step NO. 5:
* What solutions they both see and how will they behave in the future. Again adult can ask this question both kids.
Step NO. 6:
* Making a joint decision and shaking hands. Adult can say:” So what decision you both taking?”
Don’t interfere or rush to tell your decision, let them think and figure out, even if they say they don’t know and look at you. As usually kids learned and adapted that mother or father always solving their conflicts.
Allow them to sit and think.
By that time both parties will be relaxed, not in conflict and usually they will run away to play or do something else.
First of all this method allowing to do pause and they are stepping out from the conflict zone. Exactly what I’m teaching you as an adults.
Second making to focus on the exact problem and teaching to find solution.
And third kids gaining skills how to solve conflicts in a healthier way.
And the most important to talk about feelings.
That we all different and having own opinion, and wanting same or different things it doesn’t mean we can’t talk nice and solve it peacefully. Differences are nice and teaching us to live together.
Sometimes I’m thinking we all adults need to use “Carpet of Peace” too. 😊