Salam Alaikum sisters. How are you feeling today? ( you know how you should answer 😊)
Today about TEENAGERS AGE a bit more.
Did you know that we can divide adolescence into two main parts:
DESTRUCTIVE and CREATIVE adolescence?
Knowing these parts can help parents stay on top of it all.
Keep in mind that everything is temporary and it will go away.🙂
What parents can do during adolescence is to support their sons and daughters, but also to keep clear boundaries. As ironic as it sounds, teenagers LOVE clearly defined BOUNDARIES. It helps them in chaos. Relation with parents becomes less important for children, but our main aim is to keep relation.
A role model shows example and it’s very important for girls and boys to choose one. Here moms and dads can become a role models. But for many reasons it’s very difficult for parents to be a role model when their son or daughter is going through the major changes phase of adolescence. For this reason, a sports coach, a mentor, a group leader, an older man, relative who could represent the archetype of a hero for teenager is very important in their life. That archetype, from which a teenager always wants to learn being around him and admire. And who can be an example, can show a teenager how things can be different, inspire to go beyond comfort, support and all.
That’s why I personally, as one of the options recommend even earlier to encourage child to choose sport/ activities he/ she likes. And parents should be aware and choose wise teacher/ mentor/ couch because they will be “shaping” your child.
For girls, mothers should get closer to them at this stage, unfortunately most of moms distancing from them. And it’s not because they want to, but because simply they don’t know how to communicate and connect to their daughters anymore.
If you caching yourself that your daughter distanced from you, but you blaming your daughter for that, it’s not your daughter’s fault. It’s natural child ‘s development + for keeping relation ALWAYS is an adult’s responsibility. How to do that InshaAllah will text you in the nearest future.
I will text through boys example about teenagers now, but similar things happening with a girls too.
So now about the 2 main phases of your son's adolescence:
DESTRUCTIVE ADOLESCENT It usually starts when the son is 11 years old. The good child disappears. A non-communicative, constantly quarreling teenager is “born”. In this phase, the son tries to understand himself outside the family. Until now, he understood himself as an indivisible part of the family. From now on he begins his separation. In order to separate, he will: know everything better than his parents, will be ashamed of his parents, criticize them, test the limits. Resistance is the most direct and fastest way to realize yourself as a separate person. And it won’t continue long.
CREATIVE ADOLESCENT. It usually starts when the son is 16 years old. A lot of firsts happen in this phase. The “ lost “son has returned. But a different one came back. He begins to admit that his parents are not as stupid as he thought. He begins to hear, he begins to ask. In this phase, the son already perceives himself as a separate individual. He begins to create himself, to try different areas of life.
And here is important to have connection and relation too.
That’s why I so much mentioning how relation is important from the beginning.
Teenagers phases are very sensitive for the child, and same boundaries ( “don’t jump on the sofa”) won’t work anymore.
Parents need to apply clear boundaries and to know natural development of the teenagers and relation should become more friendly ( I’m talking about it in classes more and also some information will repeat here).
Wishing to each parent sabr and really to see their children development, needs, to connect with them.
Have a nice and blessed day🌸