Today, I want to share about something that many of us face - BLAMING OTHERS.

We for You | Daily Reflection | *by Maryam* ❤️

Salam Alaikum dear sisters,
I hope you are doing well and that your hearts are at peace.🌸

Today, I want to share about something that many of us face - BLAMING OTHERS.

Sometimes we say we want help, but deep down we don’t want to turn inward.
It feels easier to say “he’s the problem,” “she hurt me,” “life is unfair”, than to pause and ask, “what part of this can I take responsibility for?”

A colleague of mine recently published a story that resonated deeply with me, because I experience it in my consultations too.

She wrote:

“This week I had a client from whom I didn’t take a single cent.
A man, in his mature years, came to me with a simple request:
“I’m stuck in one place.”
When I asked “Where?” he said, “Everywhere.”
His health was failing, he had depressive symptoms, his wife was “bad,” his mother-in-law “a predator,” his boss “unreasonable,” and about his only son -“hopeless.”
And, he said, every specialist before me had been a failure or a charlatan.
“And I don’t even follow you,” he added. “I don’t understand what you post -a friend just recommended you because you helped her.”
Our conversation went like this:
—“And how do you think I can help you?”
—“Well, I’m paying -you have to.”
— “And who, in your life, should make the changes?”
— “I don’t know.”
— “Who does?”
— “I don’t know.”
— “Then maybe we start and see what happens?”
— “So you’re not giving any guarantees that you’ll help?”
— “First, I need to know exactly what we’re working with today.”
— “I’m stuck in one place, something like that.”
— “Which area bothers or worries you the most?”
— “All of them.”
— “Which one the most?”
— “I don’t know, all a little bit.”
— “What do you hope to achieve during this 1.5-hour session?”
— “I don’t know.”
— “So, just to clarify — are you expecting to solve all your life’s problems in one session?”
— “Not all, but most. And it’s not even my fault — everyone’s driving me crazy, I’m tired of family, work. Everything.”
— “Is there anything good in your life, something that inspires, calms, or fulfills you?”
— “I don’t know…”

And so it went for almost an hour - complete detachment and total unwillingness to look within.
Only blame toward others, anger, lack of gratitude, and a strong attachment to staying exactly where he was.
I genuinely felt sorry for him -lost, angry, hurt, having lost faith in himself, in people, in the world.
But the saddest part was that he was a perfectly reasonable man, full of life energy, with a very clear position:
“Everyone else is to blame for my failed life - but not me.”
He was the axis of his own life - yet somehow not participating in it.
And sadly, I had to add myself to that “list of failed charlatans,” because I saw no point in pushing a stump whose roots cling stubbornly to the swamp’s mud…
Sure, you can pull it out -but there’s nothing to grab onto.
And even if you did, you’d have to clean the muddy roots -but without consent or interest, that work is meaningless.”

My dear sisters, this experience was not just about one man.

It’s about all of us - because at some point, we all find ourselves in that same place: stuck, blaming, waiting for someone else to fix things.

But the truth is: we are the axis of our own lives.
Or like I’m often saying to my clients : “You are a main character in your life.”
No one can do the inner work for us.
No one can give us peace if we are not willing to meet ourselves with honesty.

Allah SWT reminds us in the Qur’an:

“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”
(Surah Ar-Ra’d, 13:11)

This verse is not a warning- it is a gift.
It tells us that we are never powerless, because the key to change lies within.

When we shift what’s inside - our mindset, our habits, our attitude- Allah SWT opens doors we never imagined.

So dear sisters, take a quiet moment and reflect today:

🌿 Where am I still blaming others instead of learning from my situation?

🌿 What is one small step I can take today to change my inner state?

🌿 How can I ask Allah SWT to help me take responsibility with humility and courage?

Dear sisters, most of us carry pain, but we also carry potential.

Your healing will not come from others changing -it begins the moment you decide to look inward with sincerity.

Take responsibility not with guilt, but with hope.
Because when your heart turns sincerely to Allah SWT, everything else begins to align. 🌸

Wishing everyone peace, love and wisdom.🤲🏻❤️