We for You | Daily Reflection | *by Maryam* ❤️
Salam Alaikum dear sisters,I hope you are feeling well today. 🌸
Today is about, many women quietly ask themselves and often write to me with heavy hearts:
“Should I divorce or not?”
The answer depends on the situation and the people involved.
Abuse -verbal, emotional, or physical -*and betrayal* are things no one should ever have to tolerate.
Sometimes it is very hard for a woman to draw boundaries or to take the steps toward divorce, so she keeps suffering in silence.
My advice is always:
👉 First talk with spouse with respect and calmness. (It’s very difficult when emotions are high and rushing. So you need to calm down yourself as much as possible. About that will text a bit later).
👉 Ask for help and guidance Islamic scholars.
👉 Then write a plan A, B, and C -so that whatever happens, you are not lost. Do it without overthinking, just follow your heart and intuition.
Even while deciding, keep strengthening yourself every day.
Look after your own needs and focus on rebuilding your heart and strengthen your connection with Allah SWT.
Many sisters share that they struggle with the idea of their husband taking a second or third, wife.
I understand completely. Often it is not about jealousy, it is about feeling unsafe, unseen, or emotionally disconnected. Stability, dreams and future ruining.
If you are in that situation, set clear boundaries.
It’s a huge and sensitive topic, many things I texted on the couples group too, but about women’s boundaries probably I need to repeat again.
Remember dear sisters, you have the right to express why you are not comfortable.
*Speak with reason, not anger*‼️
Sometimes, despite our feelings, we must surrender to Allah’s plan, but true surrender comes only when the heart is at peace, not when it is forced.
How ultimately surrender it’s again huge topic and I’ll be returning to it.
*Remember, ignoring your emotions does not make life easier.*‼️
Your spouse might ignore but you can not.
🌿 If a theme is of polygyny know what Islam allows and what not. And speak with your teenager children about it too.
”We all know Islam allows polygyny, but it comes with strict conditions and responsibilities.
A man may have more than one wife only if he can be just in his treatment, time, and provision, because Allah SWT says:
“If you fear that you will not deal justly, then [marry only] one.” (Surah An-Nisa 4:3)
Justice means fairness in outward matters -equal time, respect, and financial care.
Many scholars speak mostly about this outward justice -dividing time, money, and provision -but the emotional side of women is rarely discussed.
But Allah SWT created women with deep feelings and sensitivity; emotional neglect can wound the heart as much as financial neglect.
True justice in marriage is not only in what is given, but also in how one’s heart is cared for.
Love may differ, but actions must remain fair.
If a man cannot maintain fairness, he should not take another wife, for he will answer before Allah SWT.
But again a man needs to decide and last decision is his. And remember sisters, *it’s your husband’s choice, what you are not responsible for.*‼️
A woman may include a condition in her nikah contract that her husband will not take another wife; if he agrees, it becomes binding.
If that condition was not written before marriage, she cannot forbid him later in law, but she still has rights to honesty, fairness, and respect.
Even without a written condition, in polygyny a couple can agree on new emotional or practical boundaries -about time, communication, or finances -to maintain peace.
A wife may ask for separate housing or reduced contact if both agree.
She may waive her night, as Sawda (ra) did, if she chooses.
But *Islam does not allow one partner to permanently withhold marital rights without consent; that would create injustice.*‼️
If intimacy or emotional contact becomes unbearable, woman can :
1️⃣ Ask for a temporary separation or sulh (peaceful arrangement).
2️⃣ Seek counselling or help from family and scholars.
3️⃣ If peace cannot return, request khulʿ (divorce in kindness).
You are not required to stay in harm or humiliation.
You are also not required to turn your husband into a “Saturday provider” while denying all marital connection.
Islam calls for honesty and fairness on both sides -either agree on clear terms or part with ihsan (goodness).
Women need security, and men should understand that providing it is not only material -it is emotional, spiritual, and respectful.
If they do not understand that, it is upon them, not you.
You are responsible only for the peace and sincerity you bring, ‼️not for the awareness another person refuses to build.
Many men desire intimacy, variety, and children -but with those wishes come heavy responsibilities: justice, patience, and emotional presence.
The excitement of a new relationship may last a year or two, but life soon returns to routine. Age, stress, and reality visit everyone.
So, dear sisters, you do not need to argue or prove that you are right or that husband goes to calamity and drags you to that.
Time itself reveals truth, maturity, and balance.
Dear sisters, keep your dignity, seek knowledge, and trust that Allah is Al-Hakam -the Perfect Judge.
He sees your patience, your tears, and your silent strength.
Whatever path you choose, walk it with faith, self-respect, and tawakkul - complete trust in Allah SWT .
May Allah SWT grant wisdom to every woman in hardship, heal every broken heart, and bless every home with peace and justice.
Ameen ❤️🤲🏻
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