Salam Alaikum Sisters and Brothers, I hope you are all doing well.
Today’s topic is about SELF-CARE.
Women often say, “My husband doesn’t care about me or my feelings at all.” The question is: Do you take care of yourself and your feelings?
Men often say, “My wife doesn’t listen to me.” The question is: Are you truly listening to yourself first?
Both will argue that they care about themselves and point to each other.
But is that really true? If we dive deeper into the conversation and uncover the truth, we realise that one partner isn’t truly listening to themselves, and the other isn’t fulfilling their own needs.
And yes, “empty pots make the most noise.”
You cannot expect to be happy with each other if you aren’t first in tune with your own needs and fulfilling them.‼️
So, how do we fulfill ourselves first without blaming each other?
The key to improving any relationship starts with SELF- AWARENESS and SELF- CARE. Both partners need to take responsibility for their emotional, physical, spiritual, mental, and social needs, rather than relying on each other to fulfill them completely.
For Both Partners:
1. Self-Reflection:
Before addressing your partner’s behavior or the relationship, ask yourself:
“What am I feeling right now, and why?”
What are my needs at this moment?
Self reflections you should do minimum 5 times a day. ‼️
Recognise your body’s needs first.
I’ve posted Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs to reflect on this. As this psychologist said, without fulfilling your basic needs, you can’t climb higher in your personal growth.
Your needs are:
Body Needs: Eat, exercise, balance work and sleep, address sexual needs, and take care of basic bodily functions like urination, digestion ect.
Mental Needs: Stimulate your mind with reading books, solving puzzles, or engaging in creative activities.
Soul Needs: Connect to your souls and Allah SWT through prayer, meditation, and self reflection.
Emotional Needs: Pay attention to your emotions, feel them fully, and express them in the most halal way. ( Will be separate message about emotions. This will help you understand and process them in a healthy and halal way.)
So, whenever you start complaining about each other and SOUNDING LOUD pause and ask yourself: ‼️
Did I fulfill my own personal needs today?
Then, ask your spouse:
Did you have time to take care of yourself and your needs today?
Instead of arguing or blaming, support each other’s growth and help fulfill each other’s needs with love and understanding.‼️
Be conscious and cautious about both yourself and your spouse.
Awareness and fulfilling your own needs, create a foundation of inner peace and stability, which ultimately leads to healthier relationships. Always start from within‼️
Wishing you all peaceful and blessed day.
P.S. Needs are what we cannot live without.