What is the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION for yourself in parenting?

Salam Alaikum sisters. How are you feeling today ?🌸 I hope everyone having sunny day☀️ and enjoying family time.

What is the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION for yourself in parenting?

The question we can ask ourselves when raising children is:

WHAT AM I TEACHING MY CHILD?

You can apply different parenting methods each time and you might see that it’s working for that time… but it’s not necessary teaching your kids.

Our method is a MESSAGE what we passing to kids.

Many times I saw other parents and even me myself previously “encouraged” my kids to do something without thinking about children’s feelings.

Example. If a child is shying to go to play with other kids or to meet aunties and uncles or afraid to slide 🛝 in the park and we “ encouraging” to go, and do it, and even physically pushing or making face. And in most cases we all wishing good to our children. And usually after the child slides 🛝 we say: “See it’s fun, it’s ok, it’s easy” and child seems happy…But first we should ask ourselves what I’m teaching my child?

What am I teaching my child when I encourage ignore his/ her fear and feelings ?
Am I teaching to deny his/ her feelings, that he/ she shouldn’t feel how he/ she is feeling now?

All parents want that their children trust and believe in themselves but methods / messages what we passing saying opposite.

We teaching a child to ignore SELF, ignore personal feelings and satisfy others. And we teaching to breach other’s boundaries. And what he/ she is feeling it’s not real, it’s not important, don’t feel it. We teaching them not about their inner world, their values, we teaching about ourselves and how to please us.

And this is how formatting emotional dependency❗️

Most of us learned to ignore our feelings from early days.

The child feels that parents accepting him when he feels ok, when he/she is doing what parents like. So he/ she needs to supress his feelings.

Suppressed feelings don’t disappear. It manifests through stress, anger, aggression, apathy, anxiety, fear in childhood and adulthood.

Our parenting methods are messages what we passing to kids about life, about our relation and about themselves.

I’m encouraging everyone to think about it, and how many times you “ encouraged “ your children to be brave and neglected their feelings that moment. What message you passed to your child?
Did he/ she became more confident? Is child asking: “mom, can you do it?” or “ I don’t know how to do it?”