Salam Alaikum sisters🌸Hope you are doing well.
Will reply to the yesterday’s question.
When child doesn’t want to do something means he is not interested, feeling tired, bored, not understanding how? why? ect
It can be many more reasons.
Same like adults. If something is interesting, we are passionate about it, we involving, doing it quickly and happy.
Everything depends on our internal and external motivation.
Kids ALWAYS WANT to learn. Naturally kids are curious and they are learning and exploring by themselves.
So first SEE your child, second FEEL him and use EMPATHY. Behind all “ I don’t want” or “ I don’t care”, or “Why now?” is a reason.
Parents need to answer to themselves are we as an adults always want to clean house? We all want cleanliness but are we always ready to clean?
So first- IS it right time to demand to clean? What I want now from the kids? How they are feeling? Are they capable to do it now? What can we do together?
Children cleaning their rooms, but usually not when parents want or how they want. So I highly recommend not to push, bribe, punish or manipulate them, but talk about your needs and how you are feeling about their messy room, offer help and clean together, divide jobs, show step by step from what to start and how to do it and finish. COMMUNICATE AND HEAR EACH OTHER. Vibes, intonation, body language is very important. (Don’t take anything personally!).
And also it’s important to have general cleaning day, where all people in the house will be cleaning, sorting items and helping each other. Showing how to sort items, giving to charity or throwing away and less buying preventing from items piling up and having mess.
Rules and boundaries helping to keep house clean. Rule : “ Took item-used-put it in his own place” usually working good.
PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE for setting up rules and boundaries and giving to children responsibilities according to their age. PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE for keeping boundaries and rules in place too. So first parents need to decide what do they want and set up their household rules and boundaries. And everyone who living in the house needs to obey them. It takes time while rules becomes habits. So the most important is to cooperate and help each other to remind and to follow.
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About learning Quran after school or doing homework…
Kids “job” is to play and explore. Children nowadays are overwhelmed and overcrowded with information and restrictions at home, and at school. Their brains as well having limited capacity to learn and to do everything else and it’s very individual. That kids immersed to computer games and not willing to learn Quran or do homework is NORMAL.
First they as well want to relax and play. Playing is natural part of children’s development just computer games aren’t created to relax. But about that I will write separately. And about resting will write separately too InshaAllah.
I personally discussed with Sheikhs, Imams, other parents, neuroscientists and muslim colleagues and most of us came to one conclusion:
Either normal school, either Quran studies/ madrasa schools.
You can’t put your child in both studies and classes and expect he/ she will be good at everything. It’s really tiring and overwhelming.
I personally highly recommend to have family time where each person reading 2 verses and discussing/ contemplating. Teaching each other to memorise and praying together. Parents can recite loudly when they are cooking or just relaxing. REMEMBER kids brains learning when they are relaxed, not tensed or overwhelmed.
But if you decided that learning Quran is very important from the qualified teachers
it shouldn’t be daily and especially after school. It can be 1-2 times per week according to child’s individual development and capacity to learn.
Attention span decreased and nowadays going discussions that lessons should be shorter.
I personally against mandatory homework. But not discouraging kids not to do it. I always talking with my kids what they like and what is hard for them. And reassuring them I’m ready to help either myself, either I’ll search for the person who will help in their studies.
I always saying to my kids, do your best. Never pushed them to do homework or learn for the marks. They learning by themselves and according to their capabilities.
And encouraging everyone to reflect upon yourself. What subjects you liked? Did you like to do homework or not? How you was dealing with the stress at exams? What naughty stuff you did at school ect?
Talk with your kids, share your stories especially what life lessons you got, how you overcame struggles ect. This is exactly what kids want to hear.
Not demands, punishments or praises creating strong relation but understanding, seeing and feeling each other. And the most important is healthy communication❤️
Few words would like to add about healthy communication. Make sure your message is clear, so that your children hear it accurately and understand what do you mean. Talk about what is happening and what you seeing and how it affects you and them. Talk about what you want, need and feel – use 'I' statements such as 'I need', 'I want' and 'I feel' and accept responsibility for your own feelings. Understand that children feeling, thinking and understanding differently. Allow them to express themselves.